All my life I've held onto the mantra that everything happens for a reason. I mean it has to right? And for people like me, who live with debilitating pain day in and day out, we have to have something, something to try to make sense of it all. We try to find the magic in the smallest of things, we look for signs or clues to help us piece together our life. And we do, we do find magic in the smallest things. Day in and day out we try to make peace with the pain and say to ourselves that this has to be happening for a reason. There has to be a reason greater than my understanding that this is happening, to me. But the truth of it is that sometimes it just doesn’t make sense, and at those times we just can’t find that reason. Recently, like clockwork it seems I’ve had one of those times. I have recently been told I will need another major surgery, again. So at times, such as this, I just don’t see or understand the reason. I just don't understand how such devastating health outcomes could keep happening over and over and over again as to no fault of my own. At these times I get frustrated, angry, sad, confused. Every single emotion there is to feel, I feel it and I’ve felt it. My continuous prayer is for God to continue to reveal his plan for my life. Although I now have an understanding of how I am able to use my experiences to help others, every now and then, through the darkness, through those times, through diagnosis after diagnosis, I don’t see it. So it helps to have a light or a little magic to remind me that maybe, everything does happen for a reason.
I was recently invited to Orlando alongside other patient advocates to participate in an Inflammatory Bowel Disease Conference and the IBD Social Circle Summit. I was invited to learn all that I can about my disease and ways to educate and empower myself as a patient advocate, so that in turn I can continue to educate and empower others through my advocacy work. I learned so much and I am still learning as we are afforded the opportunity to remain connected to the ongoing and most up to date research. I appreciate the opportunity and I look forward to having the opportunity to go back. Because of oppurtunities like these I am able to step out of my comfort zone and experience things that I would otherwise not do, because I would be to afraid to do so because of so many factors. Because of opportunities like these, I am given tangible proof that everything happens for a reason.
If you think about it, it's actually quite amazing how God works, one day I am being told I will need another major surgery in probably one of the most dreaded placest on earth, the hospital and the very next day I am in the "the most magical place on earth". Yes, unfortunately it's still recommended that I have surgery but for a very very very brief moment in time I was able to not concentrate entirely on my health or lack thereof and concentrate and reflect on how God’s plan and purpose for my life is continuously unfolding.
I couldn't help but cry. Both happy and sad tears. I couldn’t help but to think of the irony of the situation. Literally the day before the trip, I was told I would need major surgery, again. But instead of me being able to have a pity party about it, God quietly whispered “Get up, you have work to do!”. And I listened because I know
that through the pain, through the heartache I still believe that there is a purpose for it all and that everything does happen for a reason. I just sometimes have to be reminded of it.
Magic happens when you least expect it, when you aren't looking for it, or when you have given up trying to find it. The truth is magic is all around us, you just have to be willing to accept it no matter how it may look. And what better way to be reminded of the magic in life than to be in the most magical place on earth.